Of late it has been troubling me more, and i spend ages before i go out trying to make sure that i do not need it when i go out. I have my exams coming up and i always evrey time i have an exam worry that i am going to need the toilet and i am going to not be able to go and just lose control or something. It is just so horrible. I think it has lead to me developing IBS, as when i am out i just hold in needing to go and sometimes i have just bad cramp that i cannot walk and just have to go home. Therefore, it is running my social life too, people don't understand why i always seem to go or why i act so weird. I mean, i hate staying over at peoples houses as i don't want to have a poo i think the main fear is of it smelling really bad and everyone hating me, i know it is a normal function but i dunno. It is awful as i also suffer from OCD and so the whole obsesiveness with horrible thoughts is made a million times worse. I just wish my life was simpler, people do not seem to understand. They just say go and have a shit if you need to, but i just fill my head with all these awful thoguhts of it really smeling and everyone just laughing at me. I am glad to have found what it actually is though, as i just thought it was a problem that i had.
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