Be very careful Hardy, remember those who carry white sticks are visually impaired, it could be a case of the blind leading the blind.

Do you really wish to show the nurses your squashed ring? Better still why not take your teeth out and show them your bite indicator.

If you wish for a reinforced butt I would suggest some thermal shorts, this way the nurses can get a grip whether you prefer to be mounted on top of underneath. Should you go wrinkly then just stay out of cold water, this is a problem for most males of senior years ... you would certainly need to change your name from 'Hardy'.

I would also suggest you stay well clear of ginger nuts, such contact would damage your reputation beyond any repair.