But I went today to get the keys. You could tell who was in charge by who had the most tattoos. And it was a woman. Some big fat Scottish woman. Judging by her emails, she's barely literate. She spells "paperwork" as two words. This is a word that she must use 100 times a day and she can't spell it.
The low intelligence is par the course for letting agents, though. They don't recruit too many university graduates.
So I go to the flat and first it's a struggle finding the right flat. I'm in the tenement house but I don't remember which flat it is and they're not marked. So I call and they tell me which one it is. I don't know where the lock is because as it turns out they use one of those bullshit secondary locks that are located high up or low down AS THE ONLY LOCK. The handle, which was missing when I saw the place but told it would be put on by the time I get the keys, wasn't put on.
Eventually I get in. Then I realise that in order to lock the door, you have to use this weird secondary lock again. And in order to turn it from inside, you have to have superhuman strength. I looked at the lock and no way did a licensed locksmith install that thing. It looked like shit. Third world craftsmanship. Bunch of ####ing bondo all over and it's not aligned even close to properly.
So yeah, I can't lock the ####ing door. I can budge that lock a tiny bit but it feels like I'm going to break the key if I move it any more.
So I call. I explain about six times what the issue is but this dumbass Scottish guy isn't getting it. "So...you need a door handle and...what's this...I don't get it. You just need a door handle?"
Total moron. I raised two seperate issues:
1) There's no ####ing door handle
2) I can't lock the door from the inside using this higher up lock because you have to be Lou Ferrigno in his prime to turn the lock.
However, as I said, we can forget about this crazy stiff lock and just install a handle and use the normal lock that would be on this new handle. He wasn't getting it at all.
So he said he'd call back after he looks at the inventory pictures to try to figure out what I'm saying and he might have to come over.
I look around the flat. Go to urinate. What? Somebody left a giant shit stain in the toilet? Oh, I'm going to tear these morons a new rectum. This was all supposed to be cleaned.
Then I looked closer. It's not shit. It's just the toilet corroding. One might want to consider getting a new toilet at this point.
Also, the lights were all just bare bulbs (no...what are they called...the paper or glass thing that you put around the bulbs for whatever reason). And no curtains or blinds.
I know that the place is unfurnished but that doesn't mean you strip all the fixtures and wires. I've never seen a place with no curtains or blinds and every place I've had has been unfurnished or barely furnished.
So that's a ridiculous purchase I'll have to make. On the plus side, at least they'll be decent. The blinds and curtains at the places I've lived are always bent and broken and pieces missing and shit.
What else...big holes under the kitchen sink cupboard area. I had that in another place. It's a sign of real neglect and cheapest possible workmen.
I guess that's it. Some lightbulbs that didn't work. They didn't bother putting working lightbulbs in. The shower looks pretty nasty.
Oh, and it's basically a studio because there's no bedroom to speak of. There's a kitchen which is large enough to also put a dining room table if one desires and just another room. So that actually works out because I don't have to buy a bed now. I can justify just using the futon since there's not a bedroom.
So I'm waiting on this guy to call back for an hour and I just want to go back to London because I'm hungry and tired. So I play with the lock for a bit and I'm able to just barely force it locked. Then it's an even larger struggle to unlock it. I do this a few times to make sure that it wasn't just a fluke. Then I call back and say to forget it for the time being but when I actually move my stuff in, a door handle needs to be put in and this crazy stiff lock needs to be fixed or just not used if we have a door handle with a proper lock on it.
Just unbelievable. Who rents a place out with no door handle? And this completely absurd lock. Did anyone even test it? I'm not saying that I'm going to compete in next year's World's Strongest Man but I'm probably more powerful than most women and elderly men. Who did they expect to use this lock? Only strong, virile men? I'm going to have to use pliers on this thing. It's total bullshit.
I've never seen a place so awful on the first day. I mean...they should be embarassed to let this place out like this.
The good news is that it's only a six month lease. I originally agreed to a 12 month lease because I was just desperate to get a place but when I went to sign the papers, it was just for six months. So if the job is going okay and I want to stay, I'll be able to look for some place that's decent. And if the job isn't going okay and I don't want to stay, I'll be able to move to Finland. So it works either way.
Just six months of that shit. And it's not uninhabitable. It's just the lock and the disgusting toilet and I have to buy some things that should have already been in the property.
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