Hey, a "like" on Tinder. These are mysteries. They blur the picture until you "like" them back. It's never a blurred picture of a woman in a bikini. It's always a blurred MySpace angle fat chick picture. So let's find out who the lucky lady is.

Oh god. I fear that I know already. Julie, 42, completely rotten teeth. She's "car daft", whatever that means. Not looking for a one night stand or a hook up. Thank god for that.

Yep, that was her. Well, that's Tinder.

Then Tinder updated and I got like 1000 free swipes. Usually, you get about 50 a day. None of those 1000 were a match, of course.

I'm going to give it about two more days before I delete my account again. I used to get semi-decent matches. They didn't reply but they matched. Now it's just unbelievably unattractive women. I'm using the same profile and the same picture. Maybe I'm banned.

But how does a 42 year old woman in a Western country have a mouth full of rotten teeth? Get that shit fixed. It's not expensive. You need whole new teeth.

Speaking of 42 year old women, I had a dream of the week wherein I met up with Lisa at a hotel. She was only able to meet during work hours because she lives with her father and he'd wonder why she's out at night. So she took the day off of work to meet me in a hotel.

Straight away, I told her that since I only have eight hours, I have to get right to it. I'm going to do do everything so time is precious.

So I offer wine but it's not long before I have her pants off and am munching on her box. She's surprised by the fast pace of this but doesn't say anything.

Then I get my phallus out and am about to stick it in and she says, "Don't you have a condom?" I say, "No, it's not neccessary" and she just says "okay". So I stick it in.

I'm banging away. Then I go to the toilet. When I come back, I see that she's putting her clothes back on. I say, "What are you doing?" She says, "I thought that we could get something to eat." I say, "No, no, no. I told you that I only have 8 hours and I'm going to do everything." So I take her clothes off and start plowing the fields again.

Then she has to go the toilet. So I say, "Okay, but I'm coming with." She's sitting there trying to urinate as I jack off in front of her and cum on her tits.

She's really beaten down at this point so she just wipes it off with some toilet paper and carries on with her business.

Back to bed for some more fornicating.

Then it's almost 5.00. So I say, "Okay, you can take a shower now." So she's taking a shower and I'm watching her. Then after a few minutes, I say, "Actually, you can suck my dick while you do this." And she's just completely resigned to it so she bends down and sucks my dick as I spray her with the shower.