I must admit I am amazed at how much paruresis and parcopresis are alike. The particulars of the bodily function are different, but so much is the same. We both used to think we were "freaks" because of this disorder, we both know what it's like to be always looking for a "safe" bathroom so we'll be able to go, we both feel embarassed/ashamed by it, we both worry about what other people will think, we are both too self-conscious, we both tend to be concerned about inconveniencing other people and put their convenience above even our most basic bodily needs. Because of this I think we may have a lot to gain by supporting and talking to one another. Let's face it, the subject of bodily functions is still taboo and the more people like ourselves we can get in touch with and get help and support from, the better. I don't mean to step on anyone's toes by posting on this forum and I totally understand if anyone doesn't want me posting on it. If requested to leave I will respect that request. I don't want to hurt anyone else's feelings or be inconsiderate. I just think that in some ways I can relate to parcopresis, even though my disorder (paruresis) isn't quite exactly the same.

That being said, I feel I have learned SO MUCH about the psychology of social phobias and how to work towards recovery from them by attending an IPA workshop, and especially listening to what Carl Robbins had to say. The particularly annoying thing about voiding disfunctions is that it is both a social phobia coupled with a physical symptom (we can't go). I think the most important thing to realise is that this is NOT a reflection on yourself. You wouldn't blame yourself for having a physical illness, so why do we blame ourselves for having a mental one? It is not your fault! IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT! IT ... IS ... NOT ... YOUR ... FAULT!!! I cannot say this enough times! It's OK to feel embarassed about this. Embarassment is an emotion like any other, and all human beings have emotions. But DO NOT be ashamed of it. Shame is not an emotion, but a choice. Shame is telling myself "I did something wrong." Don't believe the lie. This for me was step #1 in recovery. You really have to work on this in order to change it. Your mind comes up with all sorts of reasons why it's your fault and you have to confront them and ask "Why do I feel that way?". Don't be satisfied until you figure out what irrational belief is at the root of your feelings and confronting it. If a person doesn't learn to STOP BEING ASHAMED of something like this, I really don't think they're going to have much success at recovery.

The second thing I had to realise was I CAN'T OVERCOME THIS ON MY OWN. The harder I try to overcome it, the worse it gets. It's like one of those Chinese finger traps. The harder you try to pull your fingers out of them, the tighter they pull back. It was the hardest thing in the world for me to start telling people, but I had to ask myself: Which is better, to suffer a lot of embarassment right now (which is temporary and will eventually pass), or continue to suffer with this disorder and let it keep getting worse and worse for the entire rest of my life? Life is short. Suffering in silence just isn't worth it. By telling my friends I took a big risk. What will they think of me? What if they try to use this information against me? (I still have hangups about that from Junior High School). I had to be willing to let myself be vulnerable. I believe that mankind is essentially good, and we can't let the fact that we've been hurt in the past keep us from getting help from other people, most of whom DO CARE and DO want to help. If you construct a shell around yourself because you've been hurt by other people in the past then THEY HAVE WON. Don't let them win, they don't deserve to! Although getting help from people online is good, those of you who've kept it a secret simply cannot understand what a difference it makes to have someone help you __IN PERSON__. I really don't think it's possible to make significant recovery from parcopresis/paruresis without getting this kind of support. It will just keep coming back to haunt you.

In the end I had to ask myself "How serious am I about recovering from this disorder? Do I honestly want to recover, or do I like the way that I'm living? If I really do want to recover, then I'll prove it by taking the first step and telling someone." Parcopresis/paruresis's #1 weapon is secrecy. Refuse to put up with it! It's the hardest thing in the world to do but believe me you will not regret it.

Hmmm.... I notice this message is getting kind of long. I think I will post a second message about what else I have found helpful in recovery.