I read the first few paragraphs and it was on target but then I think it started veering into "rape culture" and whatnot and I gave up. I don't know how much this is happening.

You speak of masturbation as though it's a bad thing. This is schoolyard-level stuff. Every post-pubescent person does it. Monkeys do it.

The best advice I ever got was from that sage of Pudsey when she said, "Don't worry about cumming. Just enjoy it." I'm thinking of getting it embroidered on a pillow. It's applicable to so much in life but is also invaluable just as masturbation advice.

In discarding the monkey and substituting man, our Father in Heaven did the monkey an undeserved injustice.

-- Mark Twain