Received a final invoice from NPower for £1,350. My understanding was that I owed £0. So I called the good people up.

Me: I've received this bill for £1350, apparently covering three months, and I don't owe this.

Guy: Why's that?

Over the next 30 minutes, I tore that guy three new assholes.

"Isn't using £1350 of electricity a lot?"

"It is but it depends on your energy consumption."

"I'd have to be growing illegal crops to use even half this much."

He accepted that it was a lot but hey, some people really enjoy their electricity. There was a discrepency between the readings that they had the the readings that I was giving. This was always a problem.

So I told this guy to forget the discrepency, just use my start reading and my end reading and we can reach the correct usage. "Oh, that's a good idea."

He transferred me to some "specialist" who looked at the bill and my submitted meter readings as against the "official" readings and it took her about 60 seconds to realise that this £1350 bill was ridiculous. "I'm surprised it wasn't flagged up. I don't know who initiated this in the first place."

So they say they're going to send a new bill when they look at the readings that I've submitted.

"It's not going to be anywhere near £1350, is it?"

"No. It's going to be tuppence."

Total incompetent scumbags. I say, "I have a bill for £1,350 covering 3 months" and this guy says, "Sounds about right to me."

I point out that for the previous three month period, they've billed me £200. "Well, it depends how much energy you use."

I say, "I can show you bills using actual readings from my current property." He says, "Well, it depends on the property."

There's a lawsuit somewhere here. You can't go around sending people totally bogus bills. Anyone with a brain knows that I'm not going to go from using £200 worth of electricity to £1,350. And if you do believe that, you should call the police.

I don't know why these energy companies in this country are so unbelieveably shit. It's the world's easiest industry. The customer sends you the readings, you send them a bill. That's it. That's all that you have to do. But they never seem to get it right.