Yeah, nice try. We all know that the real Lisa doesn't capitalise her name.

There's no need for this transparent jealousy. Pardon my louche proposal, but if you're looking to test your asexual proclivity, I'm happy to help out.

You have to make the journey, though. I mean, for Lisa, I'm willing to travel to her hometown and pay whatever wants. But for you, frankly, I'll reimburse your travel costs (after consumation) but that's as much as I'm willing to do. I'm certainly not going to travel. Or pay.

Again, it's no discourtesy but it's really more a case of helping you out, isn't it? I'm not asexual. I had sex just a week or two ago with my long-term girlfriend. You're the one with the problem.

But yeah, I'm willing to help out and I'm willing to reimburse travel expenses. And you can stay for, whatever, a few days at the most. I'll also pay for food. We can also take in the sights of Glasgow. Again, I'll pay for that. And obviously the fornicating. That's work. You can't discount that. That's probably the biggest amount of effort that's required in this whole thing.

So not a bad deal. In a sort of jocular fashion, one might think, "How difficult is it for a woman to have sex?" but realistically, an asexual woman in a small town, it requires some significant effort. And how many guys are realistically willing to put somebody up for a few days, pay all expenses, AND have sex with somebody they only know from a few short messages on the internet? Very few. I mean, if you're just looking for sex, there are prostitutes who will do this for much less money and it's much less hassle.

I'm just a compassionate guy. I empathise with people, particularly those with sort of social anxiety or whatever the cause of this asexual business is. I view this as a completely clinical issue. Sincerely and with no malice, I don't want to have sex with you. But I recognise that you have a problem and if some amorous congress will help in any way, I'm happy to do it. It's about helping people, not my own sexual gratification.

This asexual thing is probably just a symptom of a larger problem. I'm not a trained clinician in any way. But maybe this will help identify what the problem is.