So I get to London and she calls me and says, "You know, London is only a four hour drive from Leeds. I can come see you." But I say, "No, that's okay."
I mean, I was living in a hostel. What exactly did she have planned? Maybe she had money and she would have got a hotel room. I guess that would have been possible, actually. I didn't even explore the possibilities, though. I had just arrived in London and wanted to find a job and a place to live first.
I didn't realise that it would take two years to find a job. And even then, I was living not only in a shared flat but a shared bedroom. Still can't do anything with that.
By this time, I had long since stopped talking to Lisa. There was no argument or anything but I had other stuff to worry about. Lisa's promises of a cornucopia of sexual services was pretty low on my priorities. No discourtesy to Lisa. It's just...you know...am I going to have sex with her while my Polish roommate watches?
But after three or four years of living here, I finally got my own place. So that's when I called up Lisa again.
"Why are you calling me?"
"Well, I was looking through my phone and saw your number. So let's have sex."
"Maybe. It was nice talking to you again."
Then she's texting, you know, "Talking to you made my pussy wet" and "I want to suck your dick" and so forth. So I said, "Great. Okay. When can you come by." And she's saying, "No, I just want to talk about it. You have such a big cock" and whatnot.
So I told her to forget it. And we pretty much stopped talking.
At one point, I offered her money. £1000 or something. She didn't take kindly to that.
It's a bit weird, isn't it? I mean, she was willing to suck my dick and let me put it in her box and whatever else for free. At least, this was her proposal. But £1000 sours the deal? How?
If some chick with big tits who I was really into offered me £1000 to fuck her, I'd do whatever nasty shit she wanted to do, nut in her face, take the £1000, and be eternally grateful. The joke's on her, I would have done it for half that.
But I don't know. Some women don't like this payment stuff.
Anyway, the distance between Leeds and London is roughly the same as between Leeds and Glasgow. Just saying. And I still have £1000 lying around.
In other news, I was watching some 1960s Warner Bros cartoons recently. I was trying to pinpoint when the Warner Bros cartoons turned to shit. The ones from the 40s are classics. It's still looking good in the 50s. But at some point, I don't know when, there was just a big change in look. They no longer looked theatrical. They looked like bad Saturday morning cartoons.
AFter some digging, I learned that these cartoons were all theatrical releases. There were 1000 Warner Bros theatrical shorts. The last one was in 1969.
So I looked at that last one. It's called Injun Trouble. It stars Cool Cat. Not Bugs Bunny. Not Daffy Duck. Not even Foghorn Leghorn. Cool Cat.
Cool Cat was a character introduced in 1967. A beatnik cat. This in spite of the fact that the hippie movement had long since supplanted the beatnik movement in youth culture.
Injun Trouble is maybe the worst cartoon I've ever seen. It's just one bad joke after another. There's no narrative. It's just random, terrible jokes for six minutes.
Cool Cat is driving through an Indian reservation. Then an Indian gives chase. Indian falls off the cliff. The Indian's horse manages to pull himself up from the edge of the cliff. He kicks Cool Cat into his buggy (which was speeding away because he didn't leave the brake on or something). Then an Indian gives Cool Cat his fat wife. Cool Cat calls the Indian an "Indian giver". Then Cool Cat shoots an arrow into the air and it lands on an Indian's head. Then Cool Cat goes into a "topless bar". It's so-called because the male bartender is topless. Then a cowboy comes into the bar and plays poker with Cool Cat. Cool Cat has the better hand but the cowboy shows Cool Cat his gun so Cool Cat says that he wins. Then Cool Cat meets a sexy Indian lady who asks him if he wants to Indian wrestle. Cool Cat says that he does and then a big, burly, male Indian pops out from behind a rock and beats up Cool Cat.
I missed a few "jokes". But that's it. It's nonsense. Just one completely unconnected joke after another. And they're not funny. Not remotely funny.
You know, if Lisa was here, I wouldn't be watching horrible cartoons from 50 years ago. I'd be too busy sticking it in her box and blasting loads on her tits. Some women just don't appreciate a good thing when they see it.
« Back to index