Well I never, congratulations Hardy, I think that is the very first post I have read on this site that contains real humour. Oh for there to be much more.

I would suggest fishing Rods at fifty paces on Hastings' race course, turn and then each make a genuine attempt to cast-straight the other.

Cannons should do the trick nicely but I have just surrendered my firearm's licence (true) and the neighbours would probably call in the noise control officer. Not sure a competition involving line would serve any useful purpose, I use far lighter line than Gary, far lighter sinkers also.

I might also add I am concerned about the bling, I do have a pieced ear but I could never match what Gary puts on his traces.

Sorry your food suggestion really doesn't hold water, Gary will never let on where he buys his crayfish, should some become available he would grab it for bait. I'm not sure if he has crabs or not?

My wife is an expert with Chinese buns and these are neither for display or a quick bite to the winner.

Sorry, Hardy, I don't do competitions, just simple enjoyment at whatever the catch and then watching what my wife can achieve with the humblest of fish, even an eel or a YEM.

As for your post ... Brilliant.