I thought that Tinder did some sort of shadow ban on me because I wasn't getting any matches. So as a test, I decided to change my location to the Philippines.

12 matches straight away. Well, 13 but one was a prostitute. Let's check it out. I'll start detailing them before they start unmatching me.

Jerdy. 28. Wow. Long profile.

Looking for a serious relationship. Someone who can be my best friend, best buddy, someone who is a REAL man, a gentleman, who can love me for who and what I am.

I'm not into hook up!

Only serious guy who wants to by KING and I am HIS QUEEN.

A man who knows how to treat a woman.

I am very flixible type of person, so I am game on anything, and I am not a picky Filipina.

She looks like a man in some of the pictures but I think it's a woman. Anyway, a lot of "real man" stuff. They're into this in the Philipinnes. Traditional gender roles. But she seems quite aggressive. It's a turn off. I'm not going to be "bullied" into being a real man by a woman.

Ariane. 30. Surprisingly attractive. She couldn't find a man by this point in her life? Works in a university. Her profile just gives her phone number but I don't think it's a prostitute. She also has Instagram photos. Nothing scandalous there. Mostly pictures of her at some event...a wedding, I think. But yeah, at 30, she's an old woman in the Philippines. "Leftover women" they're called in Japan.

Kristine. 28. I'm pretty sure that this is a man. The profile is just random emoticons. But yeah, a lot of ladyboys in the Philippines. Have to watch out for that. Not an attractive face...quite mannish in features...and a number of bikini shots that don't show the face. This suggests a man.

Here's Anjo. 29. She already sent me a message. Says "hey". Women rarely send messages first. And looking at the pictures...I think it still holds up. This is quite possibly a man. Again, masculine face and a lot of beach shots that don't show the face. Profile just gives the Instagram and Snapchat.

May. 21. Not an attractive woman but IS a woman. Blank profile

Anna. 26. Not really a looker either but was born female. Blank profile.

Aila. 24. Definitely a man. All the pictures are "sexy", quote unquote. If by "sexy" you mean, "man dressed in lingerie". Blank profile.

Makrene. 26. Works in marketing. A woman. A bit chubby. Not so attractive. "I prefer live conversation" is her profile.

Ellah. 24. Quite possibly a man. Blank profile.

Ronelyn. 27. No close up of the face and a lot of beach photos. I don't know. Looks like a woman to me but tough to say. Short, boring profile.

Xia. 24. No close face picture. Weird pictures. One is of "her" on the streets wearing a skimpy outfit. Looks professionally done. It's at an artistic angle. In fact, all of these photos looks staged and professionally done. I'm not even sure if this person is real. Some of the photos, "she's" looking away from the camera. Blank profile.

Sheerrynn. 27. Definitely real. Definitely a woman. Looks Chinese. The Philippines has a large Chinese population. Most pictures are at a weird angle and only show half her face. But in the picture that shows her entire face, she looks kind of cute. Works in a place called Shopstore, apparently. No Google hits for that. I suspect that she works in a shop. Shops are also called stores.

Never change who you are just because you're afraid of losing them. If they really love you, your imperfections won't matter.

That's another thing common in the Philippines. They like this maudlin sentimentality.

And that's it! Was that 12? Did anyone unmatch me in the 30 minutes it took to write this?

No! Sweet. But now I have to unmatch everyone because I don't live in the Philippines.

Good experiment. Shows that I wasn't banned. Just...nobody in the whole of Scotland is interested.

Also, these matches are a bit depressing. Half of them were men. Ooh, here's another match as I was typing.

Celine. 30. It's a chubby woman. Possibly Chinese.

Daddream the day away.

Long walks, conversations, live music, visual stories, coffee, wine, cheese, sushi, happy thoughts...

Oh yeah. The quality of the matches was poor. I can't even get somebody half-way decent in a country as poor and America-loving as the Philippines? What chance do I have in the rest of the world?

Of this bunch...I don't know. Jerdy might be a man too. A man with breasts telling other men to be "real men". The irony. So I guess the "winner" is Sheerrynn who has half her face covered in all but one of her pictures. Different parts of the face. Sometimes just her eyes and forehead are showing, other times, she gives one side of her face.

So where to next? Might be interesting to go to New York or somewhere. See if I could get any action based on having lived in London. It's unlikely. After all, it's just the photos that count.

I tried Tokyo before. Still fun to do.

I'll try Seoul. I've had the best luck in real life with Korean women. My favourite internet date was the short Korean girl with huge boobs. Maybe I can find her again.

Hey, did you know that Seoul is right near the border with North Korea? I didn't.

And I'm in! It takes some jiggering to fool Tinder into registering you in a fake location. Not a match (because I'm out of swipes) but just a random profile is Table. 28. Wants to be a funny pig. "Not Korean", she says. She is Asian, though. And as for the pig comment, she does look piggish. She intentionally posted a bad photo. And her main photo is a drawing of a stick figure. "No hookups". I don't think that will be a problem.

Another random person I saw was a young woman from Kentucky studying in Korea.

Let me try another one. Maybe it's just bad luck.

Ooh. Sua. 27. Kind of chubby with big titties. Maybe they're a dime a dozen in Korea. She also doesn't want hookups.

Try again. Here's..."Best". From Thailand. I don't like where this is going. Might be a man. I don't know. Again, no hookups.

Here's another American...

Here's a Chinese woman.

Hey, here's a woman from London. But she looks Korean.

I don't know. Tinder probably isn't so popular in Korea. But I'll see how it goes. See if I get any matches. Particularly from women.