Starting to get matches on Tinder again. The bad news is that they're people I've already matched with on previous go arounds. People who I didn't talk to the first time around or they didn't talk to me. What's weird are the ones who didn't reply to my earlier message but will match me again. Are they just swiping "yes" to everyone?

Speaking of which, I was looking at the Facebook of a girl who matched me in a previous go around. She was 19, overweight, worked in a store or someething. Her profile said, "I have 4000 matches so add me on Instagram instead." She would regularly updated her profile to change the number of matches (2000, 3000, 4000, et cetera).

So I found her Facebook. She used to be even more overweight. Her best friend recently had a child. And this girl with the 4000 matches on Tinder posted a message saying, "Single again. Am I doomed to be alone?"

No, you dumb bitch. You had 4000 matches on Tinder. Find somebody AT YOUR LEVEL and ask them to go to Burger King with you. What's the problem?

Of course, the problem is this overweight, uneducated Alloa girl was only messaging the guys with big sexy muscles. You know...because guys with big sexy muscles really go for fat chicks. Maybe once when they're really desperate but then never again, as this girl learned. Or at least I hope she learned. But she almost certainly didn't learn a thing.

I saw this Vietnamese woman changed her profile picture on WhatsApp. Looks very tropical where she's at currently. She cuts a lonely figure in the Mekong Delta.

What were you thinking, Lily? Did you think that sexy Scottish men would be tripping over themselves to court an unnattractive immigrant who works in a nail salon? "Oh, but that American guy was too quiet." Well, you have a lifetime now to enjoy the silence.

Went to court today. The case was cancelled yesterday but then I got an email this morning at 8.00 asking if I can come in. So I said okay.

Unattractive woman was the solicitor from the firm. She never thanked me for coming in at the very last minute. She never apologised. She never said "hello".

So I said to myself, "I'm never going to work for these clowns again." But then I thought, "Well, let's see if there's an explanation for her behaviour on the internet."

Found her Twitter. She's my age, single, and has a dog who she refers to as her child. Okay. I get it now.

This is a bitter woman who expected some hunky doctor to woo her. She's making the big bucks, after all. She deserves it. But that hunky doctor never came along. Why would he? He has better prospects. So now she has a dog to keep her company. That works out because she has zero people skills. And if I'm calling people out on their lack of people skills, you can be sure that it's the real deal.

I was in Dunoon recently. I missed the ferry so I had 20 minutes to watch the sea. As I'm contemplating man's place in the universe, a couple of pigeons fly up on the rocks on the shore. The one pigeon was really closely following the other. Rubbing up against it.

They're hopping onto different rocks and the other pigeon is always following closely behind. Then they start doing rhythmic head movements together. Then the one starts picking at the other's head for lice or whatever. Then they start regurgitating food into each other's mouths. I don't know if it was mutual or just one to the other. The the one pigeon gets on top of the other pigeon, literally a second or two, and then hops off. I learned later that this was the equivelent of intercourse.

Then the birds carry on with what they were doing. More grooming. They eat some scum off the rocks. They hop from rock to rock. They flew under the pier for a bit and then flew back to the rocks.

These birds got it. They mate for life, by the way. This is what a relationship is about. Obviously, adapt it to humans. I'm not suggesting regurigitating food. But you have realistic standards, you find somebody, and you stick with them. Help each other out. Isn't that better than a lifetime of solitude?

If pigeons are smart enough to figure this out, how much moreso human beings? I mean, I'm no pigeon expert but those pigeons looked about similar health and beauty. That female pigeon wasn't holding out for the Pigeon Adonis. She chose somebody at her level and maybe they had some baby pigeons already.

It's crazy. Imagine any guy behaving like this. "Sorry, I'm only interested in big-titted engineers. Never mind the fact that I'm overweight, work at Subway, and left school at 16. I deserve the best."