I was looking at a plug and play game that my niece had. I remember that she brought it over and said, "I have a video game now just like you". She was refering to my Gamecube. But, of course, the quality of gaming with her plug and play was considerably less than could be found in the Gamecube and she quickly realised this. "This is boring", she said, and left me to it. I found it reasonably fun, though. At least for a little while.

Anyway, I think that she effectively ended up getting the Gamecube when I moved. It was certainly never sent to me. It just stayed in my mother's house and I was told that my nieces played it.

I liked playing Mario Party 3 on the PC using an emulator with her. There were a bunch of games. She liked Donkey Kong Country. So on maybe my second to last day in the country, I tried to explain to her how to run the emulator. I tried to make it as easy as possible by putting a shortcut to the emulator on the desktop and whatever. I also wrote down step by step instructions and took her through it. But I don't think she got it. She was like six so she could read but not great, I guess, and her computer skills were that of a six year old.

So I suspect that after I moved, she just never played Donkey Kong Country again. That's sad. And certainly when they got a new computer, she wasn't playing it because there's no way my mother would understand downloading and installing emulators and roms.

I only feel bad that I left because of my niece. First she had her negro father abandon her and then me, who was like a father figure. I think it affected her.

I could have visited more but realistically, not much more. I didn't have a steady job until 2008 and I didn't have a job that paid a living wage until 2011. So she was already...12 by then. And I visited when she was probably 13 and then she came to London when she was 15.

I mean, it's the same as my uncle did. He came to the US once. We went to visit him once. How much is an uncle who lives abroad supposed to do? And I sent Christmas gifts once I started making a reasonable amount of money, so that's more than my uncle did.

My uncle's son (so my counsin) also seemed to like me when I went to Finland. I only saw him once as a kid. Must have made an impact. I was probably 14 and I don't know...he was 10 maybe. Then when I went to the wedding he was very thankful that I came and said that he didn't think that I would and he was surprised that I even answered his email. I don't know why. Just from that visit as a kid, I guess. Things that happen in childhood can have a profound effect. I emailed him for a bit but...you run out of stuff to say.

Of course, I'm a cool guy. How many people are living abroad, doing their own thing? Nobody in my family. Just me.

My cousin talked about wanting to get out of Finland. It's not happening, though. Especially now that he has a kid. And he must be at least 30 by now. If he was really motivated, he would have moved by now.

It's not even like it was difficult. The guy speaks English and he's a citizen of an EU country. Could have moved to the UK. Could have moved to Ireland. I would have even helped.

I have cousins in Australia who also talked about wanting to move to the UK. Also could have done it. They'd have to first get citizenship in Finland but I did it. They would have had an even easier time because it's their father who's Finnish.

Didn't do it. Yeah, they're poor. Big deal. I wasn't rolling in cash. I did it. And again, I would have helped. Who helped me? Nobody.

I remember my ladyfriend offering to help me move from one flat in London to another. She said, "I know you're Mr Independent, but I can help you."

It's true. You have to be self-reliant. I made over £1,500 this week. Who helped? I learned to use that machine. I put the time in. I practiced. I worked those crappy jobs. I put up with that crap. I found the job in Scotland. I contacted every law firm in the country. I figured out how much I'm supposed to charge. I figured out how this is all supposed to operate.

Did I ask for help? Sure. Many times. But none was forthcoming. Hey, can you help me get a job with...no. Hey, can you tell me how much I should be...no. Hey, can you tell me what sort of jobs...no. Hey, how much should I be charging...no. Hey, can you help me with flats in...no. Figure it out yourself. So I did. Fuck everyone.