Ordered a pizza. I was in a hurry so didn't have time to check the toppings. So this shit gets here with mushrooms.

I'm reminded of every time we had mushrooms on pizza as a kid. I didn't eat mushrooms. I never have. They're disgusting. But my father liked mushrooms so we often got pizza with mushrooms.

My mother would always say, "You can't taste them."

Not only is the patently false, it makes no logical sense. Why order a pizza with mushrooms if they have no taste?

I would raise this question every single time she said that you can't taste mushrooms and get no reply. Even as a kid, I must have been 8 to 10 years old, I saw the logical fallacy. And it was infuriating that you were just told the same lie over and over again in response.

Finally, my father said, "It's your mother who can't taste them. I can taste them."

That was all I was looking for. Confirmation that I'm not crazy. Confirmation that the world makes sense. If there's a pizza topping out there that doesn't taste of anything, why would anybody order it?

You might think that this is a small thing but it isn't. It's psychological abuse. I don't eat mushrooms. And when you're told "mushrooms don't taste of anything" that's just a lie. And you're told this lie repeatedly by some maniac who you don't realise is a maniac.

So I'd be fed pizza and wouldn't be told that there's mushrooms in it.

One time, while eating pizza, my sister said, "Doesn't Baron know that there are mushrooms on this pizza" and my mother got really angry at my sister. I stopped eating the pizza in disgust and saw a half-eaten mushroom. The toppings were under the cheese so you couldn't easily see what you were eating.

I suppose in child rearing, it's good to encourage your children to try new foods. But this wasn't a new food. This is a food that I've tried many times and have been tricked into eating many more times and I hated it. In that case, stop feeding the child whatever it is that they don't want to eat. And don't sit there and lie to them that it doesn't taste of anything.

So I re-downloaded Tinder. It seemd to be on the fritz for a few days but then I changed my age range from 18-30 to 18-55. So now there's a match waiting for me. Let's see who this toothless lunatic is.

I have to wait 8 more minutes. They give you a blurry preview. It seems to be a very close-up image of a blonde woman. Fat people usually take close-up pictures like this. Alsmost certainly an old woman too.

I saw a 42 year old doctor in court recently. I'm almost 40, by the way. Anyway, this doctor was completely grey hair-wise and was overweight. Not overweight in the sense of a fat guy but overweight in the sense of an old guy. And this is a doctor. They keep pretty good health.

It's just what a 42 year old looks like. It's terrifying stuff.

It's a match! Linda. 48. Get real.

That wasn't the blonde woman, though. I must have more.

Lyndsey. 40. Not as bad as Linda but still. Get real.

Yeah, that's who it was. And she looked OLD.

At least I know that it works now. I've had to set the age range back to 18-30, though. Better to have no matches than those matches.