Whoa, another Tinder match. I'm in the zone.

Oh god, no.

Bonus Dream of the Week

I was in school, I think high school, but it was my middle school science/gym teacher who was the teacher. It was some sort of sex education class. We had an upcoming assignment wherein we'd have to have sex with a classmate. Everybody was nervous about it. It was kind of a scandal. The teacher was telling us not to tell our parents.

So I'm somewhere...not in school...and my teacher and my mother are there. I don't want to do the assignment but the teacher keeps begging me to do it because if people start dropping out, the whole thing will collapse. She's saying all of this in hushed tones because my mother is nearby. So I agree to stick with it.

Then I hear a girl talking to this teacher saying that she doesn't want to do the assignment. And the teacher says that's fine, she doesn't have to do it and she's trying to re-assure the girl that it's all okay.

This enrages me. I ask to be let out of the assignment and she pressures me to stay in but she has no problem letting this girl avoid doing the assignment.

So I start yelling. "Oh, you want me to stay in? Fine. Then you have to double-up." Initially, this meant that I got to have sex with two classmates but then I upped the ante, "I get to fuck everyone." My mother hears this commotion and the teacher is telling me to quiet down or I'll spoil the whole thing.

That would have been some assignment. In real life, my sex education classes were more about being a good Christian and not having pre-marital sex because God doesn't dig that. And everyone has AIDS. And "poo-berty".

It was my grade school principal who pronounced "puberty" that way. We had an assembly for like 6th-8th grade classes and he was giving a speech. Every time he said "puberty" we laughed our asses off. In a subsequent assembly, he pronounced it as we did. I suspect that his son, who was a student, told him why the kids were laughing at him.

I think it's a regional thing because I've heard this somewhere but I don't know what the region is.

But yeah, that grade school assembly. It was a sex education thing but only in the loosest of senses. We basically just watched some old educational film that told us to use deodorant.

The girls also had some separate assembly. Talked about menstruation, I'd imagine. When they came back to class, we were asking them where they went and trying to look at the material that they were carrying and the teacher gets really upset and tells the girls to put the material away because the boys are nosy and the like. Sort of suggesting that we're all sick perverts who want to know about vaginas. We didn't know where they went to or what the assembly was about. That's why we were interested.

I mean honestly, who cares about vaginas? Outside of fictional Kevin Arnold, nobody.

I remember another incident in grade school wherein there was a newspaper article or some kind of pamphlet or maybe a televised news report about breast exams. And we were going to be able to watch it or look at it, I don't remember what the medium was. But it was supposed to be like some middle aged woman with big tits. Somehow I remember that so I must have seen something about it. And I remember a classmate really going nuts. "She shows her breast and does an exam! You see her breast!" He kept saying "breast" because we weren't crude kids.

But yeah, people were excited about that. People were excited to see tits. Even middle-aged tits. We never actually saw anything but that was an interest of ours. Not vaginas. Nobody ever wanted to see vaginas.

You know, I could go my entire life without seeing a vagina. Are there people out there getting turned on by vaginas? I don't think so.

Let's check out Tinder. Oh, the single mother of two kids unmatched me. Yeah, she could do better. A lot of guys out there are looking for single mothers in their 30s. "I just have too much disposable income. If only I could find a woman with two children from some other dude that I could spend all of this excess cash on."

That hot 23 year old with a blank profile still hasn't unmatched but now she's 1300 miles away, which is suspicious. Either a bot or an international prostitute.