I was bored of no matches so went back to Bahrain on Tinder. So many prostitutes.

In high school, I took a lot of "business" classes because they were really easy. They were basically typing classes.

So one day, I was in a business class and Ms Whoever (a business teacher who I think died years ago rather young) was talking to our current business teacher, Mr No Idea. This was before class officially started.

So Ms Whatever is telling the people in the class about the time Mr No Idea went out with a "professional", by which she meant a prostitute. And Mr No Idea is frantically professing his ignorance of the fact that this woman was a prostitute.

One girl in class keeps repeating, "No way! A professional! A PROFESSIONAL!?!" as though this was a normal term. I've never heard a prostitute described as a "professional" before or since. But she wanted to sound in the know.

This is a weird story for a few reasons.

1. Mr No Idea was gay. He gave me a backrub once and looking back, he was quite camp.

2. Is this an age-appropriate story?

3. Is it appropriate to belittle a teacher in front of his students?

This girl was screaming "PROFESSIONAL!?!" was an unattractive kid. Weirdly, she was in the "popular" group in school, which mostly comprised the most attractive girls.

It's weird. Why would it matter how attractive somebody is to befriend them? I don't think that boys really do that. But in school, the best looking girls were in a group, the middling girls were in another group, and the real pigs were in the lowest group.

Anyway, she grew up to be an unattractive adult. But she has three kids. No pictures of a man anywhere but she has pictures of a newborn baby so maybe the father just doesn't like being in photographs.

No. It says that she's single. Interesting. 40 year old woman with two children is having a child with a random dude. There's a picture of her with the three kids in front of her modest aluminum siding clad house. The boy is wearing a Cubs shirt.

Let's go to a friend of hers. This was a classmate of ours. Really stupid guy. Here he is in front of his modest aluminim-siding clad house. He has two kids. They're both wearings Cubs hats. I remember that he used to also wear Cubs hats. We all lived in modest aluminum siding clad houses.

I don't know how they're not all killing themselves. That's what they wanted in life? The same shit that they had?

This guy was of Italian descent. I don't know if his parents were from Italy or his grandparents but I'm sure at least one of these people came from Italy. Italy has some of the most relaxed citizenship laws in the world. I believe that as long as one grandparent was a citizen, you can get citizenship.

So why didn't this guy do that? Could have been living in Italy. Get in touch with his roots. Could have been living anywhere in the European Union.

"No, I'll opt for the two kids who I'll adorn with Cubs gear and the modest aluminum siding house in the same ghetto that I grew up in."

Well, that is an option. People do it. He's smiling in the picture. Kids are smiling. He must enjoy it. This is what most everyone is doing. Wood-fueled barbeque. Let the good times roll.